Welcome!

You've reached the official web site for the FIRST candidate to enter the 2000 United States Presidential Election, completing the task on November 5, 1996, Election Day. Hi. I'm Jason Weill. Syosset High School students know me best as the kid who nearly got suspended for writing a certain web page. I invite you to get to know me as the next president for these fine United States of America. I'm not your average 17-year-old, you see. I'm on a mission. A mission, I tell you! And I will succeed! Read on!

Are You Crazy?

It depends on your definition of "crazy". Radical or momentous would probably be better. The bottom line is that I'll be the very first 19-year-old to ever attempt the challenge of the race to the White House. My no-holds-barred campaigning and extremely weird views set me apart from every suit-and-tie mudslinging politician ever born.

But You're Too Young!

True... maybe. Depending on the rules you follow, and how well you've done in social studies classes, you might think that the minimum age for office is 35. Well, despite my mediocre social studies grades, I know that too. That's why I'll be introducing sweeping legislation throughout the Presidential term of 1996-2000 to lower the minimum age from 35 to 19. It can be done. Congress has lowered minimum ages before. When they realize that the old-style politics that have been in place for centuries are obsolete, they will change their ways. It's, as you might say, a bridge to the 21st Century.

All Right Men, Take Him Away...

No! Wait! Not yet! You haven't heard...

The Revolutionary Jason Weill 2000 Political Agenda

That's right! No candidate has ever done such a wild job on a political agenda! You can sample the revolutionary reforms, the amazingly thought-of proposals, and the comprehensive overhaul for just about everything!
• Eliminate "Political Correctness" As We Know It
  • De-allocate all funding for rewriting documents so that terms like "he/she" and "manufactured home" are replaced with their original, English terms.
  • Encourage the use of Barbie dolls in health classes to teach about female anatomy.
  • Impose harsh prison sentences for people who paint expensive fur jackets. Let them express their envy for rich people's clothing behind bars!
  • Decline all funding to whiny ultra-feminist groups who wish chivalry dead.
• Eliminate Conservative Influences in Government
  • Prosecute local governments who censor the Internet in libraries.
  • Not only legalize, but encourage abortions. Especially the really dangerous kinds.
  • Put up signs that say "Nuke The Unborn Gay Whales" to offend everyone.
• Eliminate Government Idiocy
  • Eliminate the people who paid $1,496 for a set of pliers for the Pentagon. (Sorry, Uncle Charlie.)
  • Publicly shame any judge who actually presides over a frivolous lawsuit. Impose fines on Court TV for not airing infomercials during frivolous lawsuit cases.
  • Eliminate the branch of the Parks department that paints rocks so they blend in with the surroundings.
  • Impose massive back-fees on Microsoft CEO Bill Gates for all the times the Department of Justice fell for his lies.
• And Now, the Really Cool Stuff
  • Impose a national driving age of 15, and a national sales tax of 5%.
  • Immediately begin the mintage of a one-dollar coin. The coin will be slightly larger than the quarter, the same color as a penny, and will have a distinct weight. My face will appear on the front, and a nationwide lottery will be held to determine who is on the back. Offer tax incentives to vending-machine companies who alter their machines to accept the coins.
  • Make Swahili the official language of every town that names itself after a famous city (Rome, NY; Jerusalem, OH; Athens, GA).
  • Instead of a dog or a cat, the First Pet would be a tank of Siamese Fighting Fish.
  • Use weekly Radio Address to do color commentary on Fighting Fish matches.
  • Get all the networks, including the Golf Channel and the Food Channel, to immediately break into a special report and put me on the air. Just sit there, blankly. When stagehands prod me to speak, have Secret Service agents drag them away. Resume regular programming.
  • Make every day a dress-down Friday.
  • Switch around the names of the days of the week.
  • Every Sunday at 2 AM sharp, roll dice in Oval Office on national television to determine whether or not to change the clocks.
  • Replace "Hail to the Chief" with "Dude Look Like a Lady" by Aerosmith.
  • Send former Vice President Dan Quayle to a random island in the South Pacific with a satellite-linked camera and microphone, and a randomly selected foreign language dictionary. Curl up with laughter as he desperately tries to communicate.

Wow! I Want To Make a Giant Contribution To Your Campaign!

Of course you do. Send all contributions to:
The Jason Weill Election Fund
P. O. Box 299
Syosset, NY 11791-0299
Also use this mailbox for sending embarrasing medical test kits, letters to the Ambassador to Burkina Faso, or payment notices for my P. O. Box.

Can I Get Some Cool Buttons?

As soon as I get my first Giant Contribution. Why not send today?